February 20, 2006

This gotta be last post about her!

Came across this piece of writing on web. And this pretty well reflect my case.

He wants to get over this girl he has been in love with for a long time. He feels that when he is thinking straight, he can see it is a lost cause. But alas, love and rational thinking rarely go hand in hand. Hence this dear friend of mine finds himself trapped in this vicious circle of hope, disappointment, more hope and more disappointment. So he has asked me to forward this email to him, to give him a reality check, each time I find him falling back into the pit.

Move on dude!

It's V-Day, and for a loner like me, well at least when it comes to the concept of V-Days, it really is not significant. For me everyday is V-Day and I don't believe in having a special one day in a year to make it special, to mush around with someone and generally have a good time. I don't know where all these feelings are emanating from, probably it's because I have felt this way for a long time, or I feel this way at times, but then I don't allow reality to bite , and again go back to fantasy world hoping the one I love will still have some feelings for me.
For sure she has been behaving weird with me for a long time. Every time that happens I tell myself to face the reality and understand that things cannot move ahead, and take control of the feelings of love and care for her, cause they are not going to do any good, but probably just going to cause distress to her and also to me. Distress to me because I would feel that my feelings are not being respected, and to her because she would probably get the feeling that she has been rude to me.
But then when I change my behavior to make sure I am in control, she changes her behavior to try to become conversational, and act more concerned. As always I melt and again move back to fantasy world. But as soon as I do that, her behavior changes. I guess I have hit the "ego rock", but I know for sure that I am not an egoist.
The reason I write this today is because I want to come back to this when I feel I am unable to face the reality again. It makes no sense to pursue a path which you are sure is headed nowhere. So I just want to tell myself again, that if in the future, you feel those feelings of love and care for her again, you are probably again running away from reality, so come back to reality.
Look for love elsewhere; there is a lot to it. But probably one reason I will not be able to forget her is because she taught me what love is, what a guy goes through when he is in love. I have been going through it for the past 1 yr now, and it feels like hell. Love is a beautiful thing, when it works, when it doesn't, it causes distress, and lots of it.
I am concerned , concerned yet again about her well being, because I know that she is a wonderful person, and deserves a real gem of a person, but then again, I read what is written 5 lines above and realize , that this is headed no where, reality bites , and bites hard, if only it had worked...

Well, get a life Amit!

No comments: